The Christmas Soap


English: Handmade soaps sold at Hyères, France...
Image via Wikipedia

Another Christmas has come and gone at the Aalto household and so I’m logically thinking about. . .  soap.

Before you look at your computer askance and ask yourself if this intrepid Loan Officer has completely lost his mind, bear with me for a moment.  Because truly, Christmas is all about soap.

In our upstairs bathroom, sitting patiently, waiting to be unwrapped, is the soap of Christmas past.  Peruvian alpaca wool soap infused with wormwood and chile shavings, cinnamon glycerine chamomile corn chip salsa soap, lime jello artichoke heart banana peel extract jojoba soap.  It’s all there.  And inevitably I’m going to use it at some point for good or for ill.

Last year I would guess I lowered my cholesterol by over 20 points just by using an oatmeal soap that can be best described as “frighteningly chunky.”  I remember looking at the soap in question prior to its unwrapping and pondering what would happen when it was hit by sprays of hot water.  As it turns out it reverted back to some semblance of the breakfast food that first spawned its creation.  Ultimately the combination of steam and vigorous scrubbing was too much.  Upon finishing my shower, I looked back at the stall and can only describe it as resembling a booth for eating challenged adults.  Or perhaps like a dining room table after a toddler has flung his or her first meal of oatmeal all over the place.  Delightful.  And so “oatmealie.”

In previous years we have received soaps containing bits and pieces of things that can be best described as somewhat food-like or food-related.   Cinnamon candy, tapioca, bits of cloves, rosemary, goat hooves, candy canes etc.   Somehow or another they have made their way into the soap I have used.  As I watch these items calve themselves from my soap (not unlike an iceberg in the arctic) I wonder what on earth someone put them in my soap for.  Once these semi-solid masses of goo are no longer binding the soap together my soap is rendered useless.  And the shower is once again a mess.  And I have no soap.

This year I have six packages of soap awaiting me from Christmas.  None look threatening or dangerous.  And, they might just lather up ok.

Happy New Year everyone – may 2012 be filled with fortune and joy.  And soap.

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