Attack of the Killer Christmas Trees Part II


Sometimes mortgage transactions are like a walk down a familiar street to buy a newspaper at the local grocery store.  You’ve seen all the houses before, everything is familiar and the overall experience is one of predictability.  There is a quiet satisfaction as you hear your coins clinking inside the vending machine, pull today’s prized edition out of the box and begin your walk back to your placid domicile.  Ah, perfect, well-ordered world.

And then there are the times when you are innocently starting your journey to the newspaper stand and are kidnapped by a group of delinquent eight year olds that throw you into the back of the 1963 VW bus they stole from your hippie neighbor down the street.  It’s evident by the smell of artificial grape flavoring that they have been chugging cough syrup.  What passes for normal driving behavior to an eight year old that has spent his entire lifetime playing video games induces waves of nausea and the certainty that your doom is close at hand.  Mortal peril is imminent with every ill-advised illegal left turn, with each “too fast, too fast” burst of acceleration through busy intersections.  Run old lady with your push cart of groceries, run!  Eventually they drop you off at the newspaper stand but you feel disoriented, violated and somehow quite certain that someone is toying with you for no reason other than boredom and the need for a good laugh at your expense.

Yes, sometimes obtaining a mortgage can feel like that.

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about some wonderful customers that I have known for several years.  They were having all sorts of issues with their refinance transaction because a bunch of rabid, flesh-eating Christmas trees were taking over their property.  According to the investor that the loan was to be placed with, the trees would eventually take over the entire community of Astoria, stealing Christmas presents, destroying the commercial fishing season and in general, running amok.  Terrifying and desperate measures were called for.  Armed with pitchforks, burning torches and a plethora of memos filled with common sense, Sara (my awesome assistant) and I were able to subdue the problematic pine trees of diminutive stature.

I am pleased to say that yesterday afternoon our customers made their way to our office with big grins and hugs for Sara and I.  They had just finished signing their loan documents with the title company and all was right with the world once again.  True, there was a lot of time and work involved with their refinance but we overcame the challenges thrown at us and some semblance of order was restored.

So, for those of you that are experiencing some challenges on your mortgage transaction, take heart:  all is not lost.  Hard work and determination can overcome many a situation.  And should you need a pitchfork or burning torch, Sara and I are just a phone call away, ready to help.

Enjoy the holidays, but watch out for those trees – they can’t be trusted.

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