Spider Man is Overrated

Araneus diadematus
Image via Wikipedia

Quake in fear arachnids of our home. You of the eight eyes and sticky webs. That’s right – I am out to get you.

This morning my daughter made me run upstairs to kill a spider. It’s a pretty regular thing seeing that we seem to have an endless supply both inside and outside of our house of these eight legged wonders. Once Ella has seen one in any of the rooms upstairs she won’t stay in the room until the spider is pushing up daisies. I have no idea if spiders push up daisies or if they even understand euphemisms. What I do know is that they scare my daughter senseless which puts them at the top of my most wanted critters list.

A few years ago I managed to get bit by something in the house and then went off to a company meeting unaware that I had been bitten. I had noticed a strange burn like wound on my arm but didn’t really think anything of it. One of my co-workers noted – with much alarm and flailing of arms – that I had one of those red lines running up from the wound toward my shoulder. Apparently this is bad, very bad.

I figured that my little spider friend had endowed me with gifts courtesy of the bite. I visualized myself climbing up buildings, making origami presents out of webbing, catching bad guys with my new-found strength and being welcomed into a fraternal order of men and women with tight-fitting costumes determined to save the world from evil. Alas, it was not to be. The only thing the bite gave me was the inevitable shot in the rear end full of antibiotics from the nurse at the hospital. “This is going to hurt and it’s going to be very, very slow.” Thank you Nurse. Thank you very much.

It’s now safe for Ella to go back upstairs. The eight legged foe has been vanquished and our morning can proceed forward as originally planned.

Looking at the next couple days and how busy it will be, I really could use some of those cool spider powers. But I’m glad I don’t have to wear a tight-fitting costume in any case.


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