Dirty Dogs


April showers bring dirty dogs. Flowers can wait. At the present, our world is reduced to an omnipresent layer of dog dirt.

Yesterday was a normal Monday at work: a bevy of calls from potential buyers and Realtors; a gradual realization that not everything can possibly be done in a day; the inevitable glance out the window to see what variation of rain was currently assaulting the pavement.

I remember reading in college about the different names that Eskimos have for the color white. And it makes sense – when your world is an endless canvas of one color, at some point you will find differences even if they are minute. I’m starting to wonder if this “liquid monotony” will bring forth a similar response from us here in the Northwest. I’m not sure the names for rain varieties are suitable for sharing but I am convinced they have already begun.

And that brings us back to the dogs. On our block we have three puppies all of which are filled with a limitless manic energy, an inclination for rolling in questionable substances and the talent to get insanely dirty by seemingly just looking at our back yards.

At this point our yard is an endless sea of mud. The soil is saturated. It simply can’t absorb any more water. I imagine the mud as a sentient being with a voice garbled like Marlon Brando from the Godfather. And the mud is insane. It mutters things that make Charlie Sheen sound logical – but it doesn’t say “winning” every other second. “Dogs, come over here. Roll in me, cavort with me, become mud dogs.” And they do. Oh yes, they do.

When I came home yesterday, there was little to distinguish my dog, Abbey, from the dirt in which she was covered. And she wasn’t alone. Her companion, a standard poodle belonging to our neighbors, could have been her mud twin. Both of them were laying in our kitchen staring at me longing for my approval of their oneness with mud. My wife and I exchanged glances and started to laugh. What else do you do with a couple of dirty dogs lounging in your kitchen?

As I took in the scene, the only thing that came to mind was this: “I am become dirt, destroyer of kitchens.”

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