An Ode to Oatmeal


It could be that I am just gullible.  In fact, it is quite possible that I am very gullible.  But I’ll ask you to withhold judgment – at least temporarily. 

As I am writing to you this morning, I can hear the microwave in the background dinging away.  As is the case with most mornings, my oatmeal is ready and waiting for me.  I try to dress it up as much as possible but to a certain extent it still feels like I have emptied out a bunch of pencil shavings into a bowl and tried to conceal them with an evolving array of fruits, nuts and brown sugar.  I’m not really even sure if oatmeal itself has a taste – it’s more of a texture I suppose.  It reminds me of band directors trying to describe how percussion instruments are supposed to sound – texture, color, musical fabric or noise as it were.

So here I am, staring at my now empty bowl wondering why I would bother to eat any food let alone this gelatinous glop the majority of my mornings.  In this case, I blame cholesterol.  According to my family history and my doctor, cholesterol is evil and must be banished from my body.  From what I am led to believe, the combination of cholesterol and stress is enough to make terrible things happen – like Mother Teresa running a bordello or babies sipping Mountain Dew from a bottle.  Terrible things. 

As for the stress part, can anyone imagine anything related to real estate as being placid?  The last three years has seen a never-ending parade of new legislation and laws that have only added to the complexity and confusion surrounding mortgage financing.  So here I am with nothing to protect myself from this perpetual slew of changes other than a bowl of oatmeal and a spoon.  Perhaps I would feel a little better if the little oats were wearing capes or something that would indicate their bravery and dedication to my health. 

In all seriousness, I actually enjoy a bowl of oatmeal in the morning.  I don’t know that I thought I would consume this much of it but if it really does help with cholesterol it can’t really hurt.  

Now if someone can just invent something that removes stress – that’s something that all of us would gladly ingest.

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