The Death of my Cell Phone


I love my cell phone. So you can imagine my angst a couple of days ago when it decided to exit this world for the Valhalla of electronic gadgets everywhere. There were no moving soliloquies and grand gestures on its part but after repeatedly informing me that it really, truly was running out of memory it finally stopped functioning altogether. Prior to its untimely demise I had imagined myself courageously deleting applications and programs not unlike some 19th century adventurist jettisoning sandbags from a hot air balloon as it careened dangerously out of control. I can picture myself rubbing my handlebar mustache (trying to look 19th century cool) while chucking heavy objects over the side of the basket.

So here I was trying to make difficult decisions – delete twitter, Facebook or robodefense? Ringtones for Beavis and Butthead or for Napoleon Dynomite? I eventually decided that Beavis and Butthead would have to go and made several valiant (and tragic I might add) attempts to delete their delightful, insightful, colorful commentary from the world of my phone. Gone would be the days of the great Cornholio and I could only imagine Mike Judge weeping hysterically in the background. Clearly desperate times indeed called for desperate measures. But alas, despite my best efforts, my phone was stuck in some sort of tragic Tourette’s syndrome loop. Over and over again it displayed the message “Error executing droid this and droid that.” The only thing missing was drool coming out of the phone. In frustration, I finally turned it off remembering that most electronic equipment magically is restored to full functioning status with the equivalent of CTL ALT DEL.

It was no good – my phone was officially dead.

Anyone that has ever worked for a company that is involved with providing services to consumers will at some point or another be subjected to listening to a Manager compare their company to Nordstroms. It’s inevitable. And who wouldn’t want this model? Basically the idea is that in exchange for incredible customer service a customer is willing to pay 20% more for everything. The problem is that most companies are good at charging more but don’t seem to truly be able to provide the incredible customer service to go along with it. And yet, sometimes companies get it right as did Verizon in my case.

Once it became obvious to me that I wasn’t going to be able to bring my phone back to the land of functioning electronic gadgets no matter what efforts I took, I decided it was time to call Verizon. After pushing 1, then 2, then 4, then briefly talking with a human being, then listening to music that would have even bored a cross-eyed Teletubby, I was eventually routed to a tech support person. After explaining my situation, I was advised I would be given a new phone within 10 days. Crestfallen, I explained that waiting 10 days would create climate change, sterilize puppies, give victory to the terrorists etc. So my wonderful tech support person indicated they would get me a replacement phone by the end of the next business day. Talk about service! Wow.

It’s a couple of days later now and all is right in the world. My phone is once again that dependable tool I have come to rely upon. I can get email, use Skype, call virtually anywhere, take great pictures – all the things this little miracle has been advertised to do. I haven’t yet put Beavis and Butthead back into the phone but I have a feeling it’s only a matter of time.

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4 thoughts on “The Death of my Cell Phone

  1. 10 days without your smart-phone? Are they crazy? Glad to hear we averted that world disaster!! Mine only quit getting e-mails for the last 2 days and I thought my grip on reality was in jeopardy…close call, but I also was able to “wipe” my phone and reinstall last night (with the help of Verizon Droid tech support). My absolute and utter dependence on technology is downright frightening!! πŸ™‚

    1. I think they just say that to test you or something. As in, are you that one person out of 1,000 that only uses your cell phone one times per month to place wagers on greyhound racing or something. Glad to hear your phone got updated quickly. These things really are amazing. Especially considering my first phone was a 100 pound gray brick with a unicorn sized horn for an antennae

  2. solid write up mark. loved this line: 10 days would create climate change, sterilize puppies, give victory to the terrorists etc

    1. I’ve decided that at some point, everything can and will either be blamed on climate change or contributing to climate change. Thanks for reading. Hope you are well. πŸ™‚

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