The Craziness of Costco


JJ and I recently needed to get new bluetooths for our cell phones. Mine decided to die a sudden and painful death while my wife’s decided to vanish into thin air. For some reason I seem to buy all the defective ones while JJ chooses the ones that run away from home. The ones I buy either don’t work in the first place or they tease me by working for a few weeks and then inexplicably ceasing to function properly. JJ’s just leave our plane of existence, never to be seen again. One thing is certain – we both use our cell phones quite a lot and it’s virtually impossible to avoid using one while driving. According to statistics, without a bluetooth we will either a) careen into the back of a pickle truck while driving and fumbling for our phones b) move on to more serious car crimes (like listening to Neil Diamond while driving) or c) get pulled over by the police for driving without one. All kidding aside, I see people talking on cell phones constantly while driving – does anyone actually get a ticket? Do they take away your cool iPhone and replace it with a phone from the 1990s that resembles a large plastic brick and weighs 15 pounds? Inquiring minds want to know.

In any case, JJ and I made the trip out to our local Costco with the idea that each of us would get a screaming deal on a new bluetooth. The last time we were there I saw several good headsets at a pretty decent price. Definitely worth the trip but I have to be honest – I really don’t know what to think of Costco. There are few places that I know of on this planet where I can go with absolutely no agenda whatsoever and end up spending hundreds of dollars. Costco is one of those places. I always feel a little bit odd when I am there. It’s almost as if someone has taken the dial of human behavior and notched it one below mob mentality. I get the feeling that everyone is on the verge of grabbing all the random things they can find and hurling them into their shopping carts while sprinting to the exits. “But wait sir, you haven’t tried our sample refried bean falafal!! Sir? Sir? We have a runner – call security!!”

JJ’s solution is simple – never shop at Costco with a shopping cart. The idea is that if you can’t hang on to it with your bare hands, you don’t really need it. I admit that it does bring the cost down dramatically but it’s still hard to prevent myself from looking at the stainless steel mini-fridge that would fit so well in my office. Seriously, what would be cooler than that? And what about the 27″ computer monitor? Having a computer monitor bigger than my mom’s first real TV set would be great but I need a cart for it.

This morning while I am on my way to work, carefully avoiding the pickle trucks congesting our local freeways, I will inevitably get a phone call and hope my phone doesn’t go haywire. But then again, if it does die on me, maybe I can sneak out to Costco and find a cart this time. . . .

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